The day the music died..

Thursday June 25th. The world was saddened by Michael Jackson's death.

It will be one of those days, that no matter where you were, or what you were doing. You will remember the exact moment that you found out about his passing.

I was poolside with my friends and family when rumours sparked about Michael Jackson's death. I thought they were just that; rumours.

I rushed home to tune into msnbc news. The king of pop was indeed dead. He had died of cardiac arrest in his Los Angeles home at 2.15 pm.

I don't think anybody could have predicted or forseen the immediate effect his death had on the world.

Crowds of people stood motionless outside the Los Angeles hospital. Some crying, while others held tightly onto memorablia and signs of the king himself, paying their final tributes.

Every single news channel was broadcasting his death and every single music station was playing his songs. The world was definately in mourning only hours after the news had spread.

Looking back on Michael's last years, i don't think he knew just how appreciated he was. There were so many vicious and hurtful rumours circulating that Michael has spent the last 5 years living as a recluse.

It saddens me to the core to think that he died feeling he was unappreciated and hated. He gove up so much of his life to entertain us, to bless us with his magnificent talent.

And for anyone who has ever watched the 4 hour documentary "The Jackson 5" knows just how hard a road he had travelled in becoming the person he was today.

Some of my greatest childhood memories are those with the backdrop of one of Michaels catchy tunes. Thriller was my favorite and i saved up for a whole month when i was 8 just to buy the video. My sister and I watched it so many times that the tape popped out. Or trying so hard to do the moonwalk in our socks, we could never get it right. Or crying when i found out he was to marry Elvis' daughter. Or making up hip hop dances in highschool to his edgier tunes.

His music meant the world to me.

Its hard to explain to anyone how much of an impact his death had on the world that day. Every person will have a different story.

For me it was hearing his wonderful music being played on every station in a tribute to the king of pop. Standing in line at walmart and every person purchasing books, cd's and dvd's of the king of pop. Seeing groups of people staring blankly at the television with tears of sadness streaming down their faces. The crowds of people in NYC And L.A. who had made signs and came out to pay there respects one last time.

Things like this unite the world.

I hope that Michael Jackson is looking down on all of this from heaven, and he can move on knowing he was appreciated, knowing he has inspired lives, knowing he touched people in a way no other artist could, knowing he died the "King of pop".

Most of all i want him to know that we were all truely blessed by his music, and he will forever live on through his fans, his music and his unforgettable talent.

R.I.P. Michael Jackson, you have touched us all.

1958-2009

Bruk, Bruk. Chicken head..

There comes a time in every married womans life, were she finds herself being challenged by females..

I'm not talking your average female, who may come in the form of a waitress throwing your man the eye as you share a meal together.

No.

I'm talking about those broke ass, bottom feeding, no values, chicken heads.

I despise what they stand for. It makes me wanna go and get myself tested for STD's.

My man is a loyal man, who only has eyes for the woman he married. WHY?? Because people, he is not stupid. He knows i can give him everything he needs and more.

I am a woman, an independant woman. I have class and values. I am attractive and sexy. But i can turn the heat up when it needs to be turned up.

For these reasons my husband has never strayed, nor will he ever.

My man has made it very clear to me that i am the ONLY woman for him. He doesn't need to look at those other hoes, unless i'm looking aswell.

So why i ask?. Do these broke ass hoes think they can hit my man up on myspace and he is going to reply.. PeeLeasee bitch!

Ask me how i know these hoes be hittin my man up.

Because my man be laughing wit me when we read what there broke asses be writing to him.

Stupid heffas.

I'm not mad about it, i just find it funny. How much self disrespect can you have for yourself anf fellow females if you go round myspace lurking on married mens pages and think you can hit them up and they gonna reply..

I see these females all the time. They are the ones who's myspace pictures consist of self protraits taken by themself, usually showin there huge asses or saggy tits.

They have names like EyEKandy, baddestbitch etc.. Spare me.

I know why your ass don't have a man, cause your a whore. Plain and simple..

And no man wants to be with a whore. maybe for one or two nights. But you aint nothing to get excited about. So do us all a favour, next time you go and hit up a married man, thinking he gonna hit you back, think about the woman that man is married too, and get like her...

Ima say it in your language ok snaggle tooth...

Bitches get like me...

What makes me, me.

Everybody has different likes and loathes that make them who they are.

So i thought i'd share with you some of what makes me, me.

- I Hate, Hate waking up before 9 am. It seems to me that if i wake up before then, the rest of the day is a blur.

- In friendships i'm usually the leader or more dominant one. I have only just realised this. I do not get along well with people who want to have power of me and my thoughts.

- Raishawn is my life, my heart. Without him love would not exist.

- I can't stand ignorance. A common loathe is when somone asks me if it was hard learning english to come to America. NEWSFLASH we speak english in Australia, believe it or not!

- I am obsessed with getting my hair and nails done. I feel so great when i look at myself and see these things done to perfection.

- I have only just started enjoying being a wife and mother. It took me a long time to realise this was my life and i had to enjoy it. I think when your life changes so drastically, you hold on to the past.

- Richard is my soul mate. I truely believe that. Never have i ever met someone who knows me completely and loves every part of me.

-I want to travel the world. Not everywere, just the exotic places.

- My dream is to live in a beach shack, with the beach as my backyard. I want to wear nothing but a bikini and flops for my entire life and feel the sand underneath my toes everyday.

- I love to laugh, if you can make me laugh. I will love you forever.

- I want to be successful. Not just the "I got a job successful." I want to own big buildings, run many businesses and leave my mark on the world.

- If i could give a million dollars to any cause in the world. It would be to stop the abuse of children and animals. Nothing in this world should have to endure abuse of any kind.

-My guilty addiction is chocolate. Australian chocolate. I like to take $10 to the store and go crazy. It must be a homesickness thing.

- I love looking back on my childhood, Growing up in the 90's and how innocent it was. The music, the fashion, the television. It was the glory days.

- I like to think i'm an old soul. I did alot of things before i was meant to and while other kids my age were doing the opposite. I'm only 22 and i feel like i've lived a thousand lives.

Thats all folks. Going to start writing more again in my blog.

You don't write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.

F.Scott Fitzgerald.

In life.....

There are times in many peoples lives when we stop and wonder how we got to this place in our lives. Why things are the way they are and how can we fix them.

Sometimes the world spins so fast, i feel like i can barely see my feet infront of me.

I am 23 this year. It was just yesterday that i arrived in New york; a fresh faced 19 year old with nothing but the world at my fingertips and the dreams of a young woman.

Everything was so simple back then. It was me and only me.

Now as i look back to the time when everything seemed so easy, i feel like the last 2 years have been swallowed up by a giant black hole.

I'm left wondering; Were did the time go?

I know, i've accomplished a lot to the outside eye. I live in beautiful Florida with the man of my dreams and we have a wonderful son.

I have anything and everything i've ever asked for, so why do i feel empty inside?

Marriage isn't an easy road to travel, i know that.

To be married at an early age and be engulfed with serious responsibilities puts an even bigger "hex" on whatever statistic the divorce rate is now.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling like my life is passing me by. Tired of feeling like the person i was or want to be is too far away to hold on to.

I'm tired of getting my hopes up, when i think everything will change.

Most of all i'm tired of asking myself why.

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.”

Lets hope the dream isn't too far out of my reach.

I just wanna be happy.

Babies raising babies?

Since the last time i wrote, which was when i was totally beside myself at the fact that me and my family will be travelling back to my island home in september.

I have been a nuerotic mess.

Planning every detail of our trip, booking Australian domestic flights.

Converting currency in my head and figuring out a ballpark figure of how much we need to take on our trip.

We have more than enough already but i am anal about the fact that this is a holiday. A holiday that will be a rare occurence ( That is unless Qantas wants to be, oh so kind and offer another cheap return flight next year. Yeh i'm not counting on it either!)

A vacation is meant to be rejuvenating, relaxing and the main aim is to take your mind far away from your everyday reality.

That is just what it will be.

The currency is way up on the U.S side so $2000 is equal to $3300 aus.

$1.63 aus for every U.S $1.00

Ahhh wonderful!

I've been keeping myself busy, and have taken up more hours in the shop. "September, Why must you take so long?"

Raishawn has been keeping me on my feet, a lot more than usual. I find myself constantly burnt out at the end of each day. The wonderous joys of parenting right?

He is growing so fast and is constantly wanting to fingerxplore his surroundings. He has gotten so big, i still find it hard to believe he will be 1 years old next month.

Although motherhood is the best thing that has happened to me and my joy is forever stapled on my face everytime he does something, anything.

I am constantly seeing babies raising babies.

Children who are not yet legal to drink, are raising children, getting pregnant and planning pregnancies.

It makes my mouth drop to think a child who is no older than 18 is planning her pregnancy to coinside with her BFF.

Or to see an 18 year old "boy" ( Thats right i said it.....) to be yelling at his babies mumma about how she is getting on his last damn nerve and he hates her.

Children, what is going thru your heads??

Its one thing to raise a child. But its a completely different thing to raise a child alone.

Of everything in this world i appreciate, it would be the loving help of my husband in raising our son.

On a report not so long ago, it was sought to be the new "IT" trend.....

"Umm i'm sorry a what now?"

I couldn't believe what i was hearing. It was cool to be pregnant young? Cool to be a young single mother, raising a child at 16? Cool to be pregnant at the same time as your BFF?

What are we teaching our youth?

My personal opinion is that the media has a huge portrayel in this. When you see a hollywood star become a new mother, you see shots of her playing with her child in the park, taking her child boutique shopping and dressing her child up to match her outfit.

Sorta like a real life barbie doll right?

What you don't see is the sleepless nights. Thus due to the money spent these days on nannies.

You don't see the reality of motherhood.

If i could send just one message to anyone out there planning to have a child with someone you probably don't care about or doesn't care about you, because you want a "baby."

Or to someone who hasn't experienced there own childhood yet who wants a "baby" because her BFF has one.

It would be to WAIT. Wait until you've experienced the joys that life has to offer. Travel, Go to school, Live your dream or at least have a long term plan. Babies are expensive and from the moment there sweet little faces pop into the world. Yes literally 'POP' into the world. You become financially responsible for them. You take on a new role as a mother, and its not as glamourous as what everyone makes out. Your life changes drastically in ways you could never imagine until it happens to you. From that day forth you and your life will never be the same.

Don't get my words twisted now, i love my son. I love being a mother because of the mere fact that i was ready. No i didn't just 'Think' i was ready, i knew it and had the means to support and raise a child. I had done the party scene, i had traveled and i was married. Yes a small meaningful word that has seemed to have lost its purpose over the last few years. Marriage.

Sometimes its just an accident and i give praise to those strong enough to carry on and go through with something as life changing as that.

But for those who plan for a trend. A baby is not a doll, or an object for that matter. A baby is a living breathing, (pooping) human being. That needs more than love and nurturing.

They need stability and devotion.

And for those of you who still think they are ready; watch the Baby Borrowers. If this doesn't change your mind then maybe your right.

MY ISLAND HOME!!!

ARGHHHH

I own no words, and words can't do justice to how i feel right now.

I am coming home!

I'm going to Australia, after 4 years. Its hard to believe that i will step foot upon her beautfiul shores again.

I'll swim at Noosa beach, fish on the Noosaville river. Eat at the many fish and chip shops along Gibson rd. Walk hasting st. Wake up to the kookaburras. Smell the aussie air. Drink a VB.

But most of all i will be home. With my family and friends.

It all started after a long conversation with one of my girls who of course is an aussie and is also living in America. We met whilst we were both nannies, in Virginia beach.

I got feeling all too sentimental about aussie life and how much we both wanted to live it once again.

I never really checked the flight prices, as i always knew my wallet wasn't at all going to be able to compensate it.

With a new family and my motherly/wifely duties, the dream of one day going back to Australia was just that; A dream.

It was so random. I stand so strongly by the fact that god has a reason for everything that happens to you. This is one of those things.

Raishawn opened up an advert that must have been a popup. Him and those fingers, getting into everything.

QANTAS.

The red and white emblem stared me in the face and a little voice inside my head told me "Go on look, just for fun"

To my surprise there was a flight sale from Los Angeles to Brisbane.

Now heres the jaw dropping part. $760 return.

$760 return! Thats usually less than what you would pay for one way.

Being that me and Richard are collecting quite a hefty amount of tax in the next 2 weeks, i automatically get excited by the fact that we could actually afford to go to Australia.

After reading the terms and conditions, my eyes read the inevitable.

"Offer only good until january 26th."

Monday. 4 days before we get our tax.

"There goes that idea."

I lay awake the whole night, i couldn't shake the deal. It was too good of a price to pass up, but i was a rock in a bad place. Stuck.

I called my mum, to vent about how mad i was and how unfortunate it was.

My mum's tone got very serious and she said "Your not gonna pass this up are you?" "You can't!"

This next part is why i love my mum, she is not only the best mum in the world but she has always been there for me, regardless of how much of a shit i was to her back in my teenage years.

My mother went straight to the travel agent and booked our flights, payed over $3000 Australian dollars for them and called me back extremely excited.

"Your coming to Australia, you leave on the 21st of September and you depart on the 10th of October."

WHAT!!

She took care of everything.

I was speechless. Now ofcourse as soon as we get our tax, we will be depositing all of that money back into her account. BUT....

If it wasn't for her selfless act of kindness, i wouldn't be sitting here tonite, writing about how over the moon i am that i'm coming home and bringing my family with me.

I LOVE YOU MUM.

Thanks for being the best..

I will be seeing all of you very soon. I can not wait.

Ahhh.. sweet dreams about the sounds of Australia.

FUCK IT!

OVER IT........

Whoa!

OK...

So i've said this before. BUT.. its really happening.

I've wanted and waited to have this done for such a long time that now its all happeneing it feels like a dream. I feel as though i'm floating in a cloud of blur and i could wake up at any moment..

But its not a dream, its really going to happen..

I know this sounds stupid and your all thinking why i would devote so much of my time to thinking about this. BUT.
when you've waited and wanted something for a long time and pushed it to the side for other things.

You can't help but be super excited.

Its really happening. I got my approval for my loan today. Richard will be making the payments..

We get the credit card next week in the mail.

From there we pay the surgeon and WA-LAH.. i play the waiting game.

Which is basically what i'm doing now. I'm terrible. When i really want something, i want it now. I have no patience.. Reminds me of when i was pregnant and waiting for my son to arrive. Couldn't wait. It killed me. I have to occupy my mind with something else.

So thats that. I go in on June the 15th, 9:30 am.
A 45 minute operation. 2 days recovery. 2 weeks of no heavy lifting, which means i can't pick up Raishawn. Richard is taking time off work.

Excited. Scared. Happy. Anxious. Nervous. Overjoyed.

Everything is ready, set. Appointments made, sizes picked.

There will definately be a part 2 of this story in June.
:)

Sorrow: For tomorrows future.

Sometimes i have to stop and think about the things i worry about on a frequent basis and compare them to the worries of our everyday heros.

The ones who are like you and me.

The ones who should be in college or starting a family.

The ones who have given there lives to fight for this country.

In a war that has gone on years too long, taken lives too many and destroyed the hopes that one day we will ever live in peace.

Its easy to forget about something that isn't happening in front of your face, that doesn't have a direct impact on your life.

But it does. It has an impact that i don't think this generation has seen the start of yet.

People as young as 19 are dying in a war that seems pointless.

A war that was started over greed, oil and money.

It only really comes to my attention how bad this war really is, when i see the veterans who have fought in this war.

Young people have either died in the war, comitted suicide from the war or are suffering emotional distress from the war, other wise known as PTSD.

Post traumatic stress disorder.

We are killing todays youth for a better tomorrow. But will we have a better tomorrow?

Almost half of todays youth is fighting in the war or has fought in the war. With over 4000 deaths and counting. When will they stop?

Young people are now struggling in everyday society, having to be medicated and counselled. All because of the things they saw, the things they did.

Not only are we losing our youth to this war, but were losing our dignity.

The government thus far hasn't exactly put in an effort to stop the war. Just like they haven't put forth an effort in helping these veterans who have given there lives in order to fight for this country, whatever that is.

No, they're thrown away like yesterdays rubbish. Expected to cope with their trauma on there own. Either that or get medicated and man up.

What they really need is an outreach, something they can depend on when they are feeling lost, scared. depressed. Anything.

We have to be there for these young soldiers, just like they were there for us.

Instead too many times it ends at the end of a bottle, or the ash of a pipe.

It makes me sad the way this world is run. Everyday wanting more and more, without giving any thought to the long term effects our actions have on our future.

Makes me mad.

Makes me ashamed.

Makes me sad.

I only hope that Raishawn grows up in a world without war, without racism and so many of the things we tend to waste our time on these days.

Time is a virtue

I'm feeling empowered this morning. Empowered by the fact that i am a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it, no matter how dreary the circumstances.

2008 was a life changing year for me to say the least.
It was the year i gove birth to the angel in my life who is my son.

A few years back, i used to look at mothers, the type of mothers who doted over there children, whose lives were that of there children. The type of mothers who would stay up all night with there sick child and not give it another thought.

The type of mother i thought i would never be and ended up being.

Suddenly almost a year has passed since that very day and i'm feeling empowered. Empowered by not only having bought such a life into this world but still managing to keep my dreams and goals a reality.

It was a rocky road to begin with. But a path travelled is a path mastered.
And you could say i have mastered motherhood, being a wife, and still proud of the person i am today.

I have just but a few goals to accomplish in 2009:

1.
I want and will try my hardest at returning to my home; Australia.

They say you don't know what you've got until its gone, and the things you took for granted once before are the things you will appreciate forever more.

That is so true.

Looking back at my last year in Australia, i took everything for granted.
Now almost 4 years to the day since i have stepped foot upon my motherlands beautiful shores.
I miss her more than ever. I miss the simplicity of aussie life, the way the air smells, the friendly people. I miss having my family only but a drive away. I miss the clean white sand underneath my toes. I miss the way Australia feels, from when you wake up to when you lay your head down.
And yes i even miss the beer drinking, belly bulging, pokie playin, yobbo's. I miss everything about my Australia.

Life in America is different. I won't say its worse, but it is different. And its those little differences that make you appreciate things.

I suppose i learnt the hard way that theres no place like home.

2.
To further myself in the working world. Possibly take on a leadership role of some sort. Continue to build myself from the bottom up.
Although i have no idea what i want to be when i grow up, i still want to experience and learn as much as i can.

2009 has come so quick. I remember when i sat on my couch, 14 years of age, counting down the seconds until 2000, the millenium.

How time passes us by.

A stubborn mind, is a set mind.

I had the sudden urge to write this morning. I haven't had an urge to write in months.
Even though the wheels of life have still been turning, it seems the wheels in my head have stopped.
Possibly due to the amount of diminished free time i seem to have these days. It is sad that its almost non exsistent. Well they say a mind kept busy is a mind less torn.

The last few months have been changing to say the least.

We moved apartments, and that was just the start of it. I had 3 days to pack up an entire house, move and unpack. All with a toddler, who's hands ( and i've said it before) are curious.

The move in the long run has been more than wonderful. I wake up to the best view every morning and now have the room to move around comfortably without feeling claustrophobic.

We've grown as a family in the last year so a bigger apartment has been in the works for quite some time now.

My J.O.B. Is going well. Still find it hard to believe that i found the only australian surf store in florida to work in. I work with great ppl, (hey were aussies, so what did you expect?) and enjoy making some much needed moolah.

Which brings me to my next paragraph. Tomorrow is a big day for me.
A life changing day for me.

I am having my breast augmentation consultation.

Judge me if you will, but you didn't breast feed a child for 8 months.

Its a decision that has been long in the making. And once a stubborn mind is set. Its set.

I'm not doing this for anyone but myself, for my own self worth.

My husband is supportive but not exactly keen on the idea. I'm sure he'll change his mind when he sees the finished product.

My operation day is June the 15th. allowing myself the time to save as much as i can before then. The more money saved, the less i have to take out.

Its a pricey surgery but definately worth it. I DO NOT want to take risks when having something like this done. You get what you pay for.

The thing is, i had a nice B cup, small B cup but they were nice all the same.
After giving myself to my son for the previous 8 months, i've lost breast tissue and am not at all impressed with how i am left. It is possible to not ever want to get into a bikini again. Thats how i feel, so i'm doing something about it.

I'm aiming for a High B low C. Something to fit my body shape. I am getting the saline, as they are safer and look more natural.

The last thing i want is to be top heavy, theres nothing worse than a little woman with huge fake tits. NO THANKYOU!

My mind has definately been elsewere, and i'm finding it hard to come up with the right words to express myself in this post, so i'll end it with i hope everyone had a happy new year, a safe and merry christmas, and may this year bring as many blessings as the last.

xx