Gone so long.

I've been M.I.A for the last few weeks and its been so long since i last posted a blog entry that i almost forgot my password.

Yes i know.. and i can hear people shamin on me from here. :)

Life has taken a turn somewhat for the new. Raishawn has started pulling himself up on to the furniture, which has resulted in my every move being dictated by what he is doing and what he is getting into. Though only 7 months, Raishawn has taken it upon himself to skip crawling and get straight on to the walking. Not as much fun for me as what it is for him.

Other than that i am pleased to report that it is mine and my lover's first year anniversary tomorrow. Which we are celebrating together, just the two of us. Our neighbours have so kindly offered to look after Raishawn for the night so we can go out for a nice dinner. One year down, many more left together. How time flies.

This would be the first time i have left Raishawn with anyone, and i am more than a little nervous about this. I have been going over in my head everything he needs, asking myself questions like, "Will he cry?" "What if he cries the whole time i'm gone?"

I spose i have to cut the cord sooner or later.

Which brings me to my next bit of news. I have been offered a part time office job at the complex we live in. I will be working as a leasing professional 30 hours of the week at the front building. It just so happens that the couple who moved in upstairs has a little boy who is 18 months old, And his mother, which of whom i have grown close with has offered to take care of Raishawn 2 of the 4 days i will be working, (the other 2 days my husband has off and will be looking after Raishawn.)

I am so happy she has decided to do this for us, as Raishawn has really taking a liking to her and enjoys playing with her son.

After craving an adult outlet for myself in the means of a small part time job, it seems i have found myself one.

And it couldn't be a better gift from god, the way it has all worked out. Not only will my son stay in the same area as what we live in, but i myself will be in the same area working. That means no driving, no waking up extra early to get him off to daycare and no expensive gas.

I do find myself feeling mournful and sentimental though, about these last few workless days with my son.

Its hard to think, how time has come and gone so quick, once he was only new into the world, now he seems to be growing up so quick.

So i say so long to the days of just me and him, everyday, at home, playing. Now it will only be like that 3 days out of the week. An adjustment for the both of us, but an adjustment long overdue.

I'm happy, fulfilled, blessed and appreciative of the blessing's my life has given to me.

Time to start a new chapter... Nervous, excited, hopeful.

George W Bush

I wonder how it feels to be the most hated man in the world.

I wonder if he looks in the mirror and holds shame for the image staring back at him.

I wonder if he feels remorse or sadness for the people who have lost there lives in his war.

I wonder if he knows his name is the new meaning for hate and greed.

I wonder how many times he has asked himself, "Am i doing this for my country or for the benefit of myself?"

I wonder if when he answered that question, he felt guilt.

I wonder if when he thinks about his last 8 years as president, he smiles or frowns at this countries outcome.

I wonder if he knows he is to blame for the war, recession and hard times bought upon the United States of America.

I wonder if he feels his actions have been well enough justified by ending his speeches with "God bless America."

I wonder if the man behind those walls of the white house sleeps sound at night while people are homeless and hungry.

Most of all i wonder if when George Bush walks away from the white house on November 4th, if he will be just as happy to finish his presidency as the rest of the country will.

Tossing and Turning.

Every known and again, i get a little bit restless.

A little bit lonely, a little bit sad.

A little bit depressed and a little bit homesick.

Call it cabin fever if you will, or call it the lack of adult interaction during my days, but sometimes i feel like the person staring back at me in my reflection, is someone of little resemblance to myself.

Thinking back to this time 2 years ago, i had different goals, a different outlook on my life.

If i had magically stumbled upon a glass ball that could tell me my future. I wouldn't have believed it, if it said i would be where i am today.

Don't twist up my words now. I in no way am complaining about my life, or what i have in this life.

I'm only reflecting on the person i used to be, the person who i sometimes feel got lost along the way.

Sure my thoughts haven't changed, my outer shell hasn't changed that much.

But when you have a child and a family, you seem to forget yourself, your goals, your ambitions and focus on others.

Cooking dinner, cleaning the house, changing diapers and making bottles.

Its these things that take over your life and erase little pieces of you.

Maybe not forever, but for the time that is now. You are a mum, a wife, your the glue that holds it all together.

Sometimes, you forget that you are a young woman, 22 and full of life.

Sometimes you forget that you need YOUR time, time alone, time to reflect on the things YOU want to accomplish in YOUR life. Things that have nothing to do with vacuuming and potty training.

Every so often i have to stop. Close my eyes and take a deep breath. Slow down this rollercoaster of motherhood and take a look around at the world and the person living this world, that is me.

Its so easy to get swept away in just living, without actually living your life.

Its easy to stop and appreciate yourself for who you are, for the things you are doing.

Its easy to push down that itching restlessness that is growing inside of you like a rising volcano and allow yourself to feel grateful for the cards in which have been dealt to you.

So next time, when i get a little bit restless, a little bit lonely.

A little bit sad, a little bit depressed.

A little bit scared and a little bit homesick.

I'll look back at my reflection and take the time to find the person i am, and this time not forget her along the way.

Opposite living.

When i first arrived in America, i nonchalantly got on the escalator to go and pick up my bags on the second floor of the New York airport.

I politely stood to the side. The stationary side of the escalator to let the people who were in a hurry pass me by.

After numorous dirty looks and obsceneties had been thrown my way, i wondered what it was about these people that made them so rude..

After a few minutes of enduring the rudeness that spewed out of almost every person that passed me by, a little old lady tapped me on my shoulder and said,

"Excuse me dear but if your not going to move up the escalator, you need to stand on the side that is for stationary people."

That is when i realised i was on the wrong side, the side you would stand on if you were in Australia.

"I've definately arrived in America," I thought to myself.

You would think that after all these years, i would have gotten used to the fact that everything is on the opposite sides. Sure the road i am used to, as without being used to such a thing i'm sure i would either be in hospital or in jail, one of the two.

People make jokes about an old simpsons episode in which Bart calls to the "Great down under" and asks if their water goes down the drain the opposite way.

I'll tell you that this is true.

The water swirls down the drain in an opposite cycle as to what it did in Australia, the door you once knew that needed to be pushed as you entered a building, now will only gain you entry if you pull it.

The entry way into a store is that of the opposite side in Australia. You would think i had a few problems when i first arrived here in America, a few would be understated, i would call it many.

I constantly bumped into people who were leaving a store as i was entering. I walked casually up to a door to push and gain entrance to almost be thrown back by its not opening.

I drove down wrong way lanes, and had to carefully avoid oncoming traffic. I would use my indicators and it would result in my windshield wipers coming on.

I even would attempt at washing my hands with cold tap water only for it to come out blazing hot.

The little things that you wouldn't think would ultimately change your life if they were to change, actually have a drastic impact.

Ok, so i've gotten over the initial changes and to go back to the way it was before would probably screw me over entirely.

But every nown and again i find myself walking past a light switch and flicking it down to give me light, its then i realise that i have to flick it up to turn it on and down to turn it off.

Ahh the habits one must break.

D.W.B. Driving Whilst Black.

Race is an issue i touch on almost every post, but how can one ignore such a vast difference between black and white in a country like this one.

The difference between black and white is obviously jail time, the sentencing one recieves, how lenient the judge is of you and what prison you will go to.

After watching the BIO.TV channel, that is a hosted station from AandE tv. I noticed the vast difference between the sentencing among white and black.

The show i watched was a new show that has just aired called "I ran" which entails young peole who have been involved in a police pursuit in car and by foot.

What i really noticed was how similar each person's case was but how different the black man's sentencing was.

The show interviewed 4 young adults.

The first of which was a white female high on meth, she led the police on a 50 mile chase by freeway, hit 3 cars, which was reported in police terms as 3 hit and runs. Got up to speeds of 150 miles per hour, And before the chase began was attempting to sell stolen chanel and prada shoes back to the store for cash, after she had broken into a car and stolen them out of it.

Not only did she run from the police, break into a car, have 3 hit and runs, she was also high on meth and had meth on her.

Her sentence: 3months prison time, 2 years probation.

The second was a white male, who led police on a 13.5 mile pursuit, and got away 3 times. He also was highly intoxicated and had 2 previous DUI's.

During his chase, he went thru stop signs, red lights and ultimately totalled his car. He got away on foot and the police thought they had lost him until they later found him asleep on the road and made their arrest.

His sentence: 3months prison time, 2 years probation and the loss of his licence for 5 years.

The third was a white female, who led police on a 30 mile car chase, getting up to speeds of 115 miles an hour, she had broken into a gas station and stolen beer and cigarettes, was high on cocaine and under the influence.

The pursuit had a police helicopter following them also.

Not only had she ran from police, she had broken and entered, stolen, and also had drugs on her.

Her sentence: 6months prison time,though was released after 3 months and 5 years probation.

The last was a black male, who led police on a 14 mile car chase by freeway, which resulted in him totalling his car and running by foot. He reached speeds of up to 100 miles an hour and had small amounts of marijuana on him, though he was not high himself.

With the small amount of drugs that was found on him, the police charged him with, possesion with the means to distribute. C'mon, SERIOUS??

Although the amount that was found was that of what is called on the streets as a "dime" bag. Enough to distribute to 2 other people if they were to smoke a cone each.

His sentence: 15 years prison time. He is still serving his sentence.

Now look at that picture and tell me that, thats not racial prejudice?

Why the others who had worse rap sheets than the black man, only got a few months. Whilst the brother gets years.

The law system is backwards, and so was the judge for judging someones sentence obviously by the color of their skin.

You can watch this show at http://www.biography.com/

It is under the tv section, Why i ran. The episode is Episode 6

Tell me what you think..