Sleeping on the job.

I've been real lazy with this blog...and i'm SORRY.. what more to do than an update blog, enjoy.

Updates-

*OBAMA OBAMA!!.... kicked some heiny in that election..

*November the 6th marked my 3 year anniversary with this country..Feels like yesterday a fresh faced 19 year old got off the plane in nothing more than flops and a dress at 6pm, in the freezing november air of the JFK airport in New York City.

*I did NOT get the job and glad too, cos you don't shit were you eat..

Living and working at the same place was what i didn't want to do as i have been there and done that. Not to say i wasn't upset when i heard that i didn't get it, but i'm keeping strong with everything happens for a reason, and looking back i'm glad it worked out that way.

*The weather is getting cold... winter is coming on quick this year, i'm just glad i'm not somewere like VA.

* And lastly, i'm still searching for THAT job. I decided i do not want to work during the day unless its fri, sat, sun as being away from my little man is too much. I am aiming at getting a little waitressing job.. HOOTERS??? haha Yeh rite, Richard is going to let me do that.

However i WILL be employed come christmas time.. mark my word.

Thats really all i have to report on.. Maybe the reason i've been so lazy is cos i've been aiming my drive and motivation in other places for the last week or so..

Penny for your thoughts..

Peace out. :)

VOTE!

Today is the day, the day America will either choose wisely, or fail at choosing a president once again.

If you haven't already voted, I can not stress this enough.

Get out there and vote.

Vote for change.

Vote Obama/Biden.

We can still turn this country around for the better, but we can not do that if another bush is elected into the white house.

Shots fired.

Last nite keeps replaying itself in my head, taking over my thoughts like a virus without cause.

Everytime i tried to shut my eyes, i could see and hear nothing but what had just taken place in the front yard of my apartment.

What was meant to be safe, was no longer.

You know its bad, when closing your eyes, won't shut out the fear you just lived.

It started on a Saturday night. I knew it was going to be one of "those" nights, when i saw numourous people stumbling towards the apartment building directly adjacent to ours.

They were having a party, and the people who were attending weren't exactly the kind of people you would have over to meet your mum and dad.

Hours passed, the clock read 1.35 am and i knew it was only going to get worse the drunker they got.

As the noise grew louder and more and more people stood outside my apartment, yelling, talking and screaming. My anger and frustration grew. I wanted sleep, I wanted them gone, or at least in the apartment they were meant to be in.

After Raishawn had been awoken 3 times, and the clock read 2.45 am. Enough was enough.

Call me crazy, but i took it upon myself to go out there, and tell them to leave or have the police come and escort them else were. Anywere as long as they were gone and took the noise they were making with them.

Bad idea. Stupid me.

I was mad, tired, frustrated and aggravated. It showed in the way i yelled at them to move on. One of the men, who looked like he was fresh out of a prison cell; dreadlocks, gold teeth, short, fat and slimy.

Told me "Bitch get the fuck back in your house."

"Oh no he didn't."

Before i could rationalise what obsceneties were just thrown at me, Richard stormed out of the house and demanded he apologise for disrespecting his wife.

By this time the party had woken numourous neighbours up, and i could almost hear imaginary dialing to the sheriff's station.

I felt as if i was standing in the middle of a carpark after they let the club goers out. Cars bumbing music loud enough to cause earthquakes. Girls yelling and screaming whilst holding there heels. People arguing over who would be driving. Groups of people so large, the many cars parked in our car park, almost looked hidden.

This was the front of my apartment. What was meant to be my home, my quiet sanctuary, was no longer.

Then it happened, the noise that makes your stomach scream a thousand little deaths.

The noise that seems to stop the world from turning and holds time still for just a second.

Gunshots; One.... Bang..... Two....... Bang....... Three..... Bang......

Where is Richard.?....... Four........ Bang............."Oh my god, call 911"........ Five....... Bang.....

My hands trembled as i dialed 911, it took me 3 times to get those few numbers right. Numbers i had never had to dial before.

Dispatcher: 911, ma'am, What is your emergency?

Me: Oh my god, i need police, somebodies shooting.

Dispatcher: Calm down ma'am tell me your address.

Me: Its ............. No oh god, Its...............

Dispatcher: ok ma'am, who is shooting?

Me: I don't know, theres a party, with heaps of people, i don't know who........... SIX......... BANG........

Dispatcher: Ok ma'am, was that a gunshot? You need to stay in your house, ma'am, don't go outside.

Me: Ok. Please hurry.

I had Raishawn in my arms, curled up on the floor, silent. Waiting, wishing they would hurry up and get here.

I invisioned my husband, the love of my life, shot. Bleeding.

Tears started to fall, and my heart built a pace of its own.

Richard came back in the house, and the nightmare of thoughts that had suffocated my head dissapated. He wasn't bleeding, shot or hurt. Just shocked.

The people seemed to clear out, dissapear. The gunshots ceased. And there was silence. An eery silence, like a quiet before the storm.

I sat waiting, wondering if they would come back and start shooting again. I sat waiting, wondering if anyone was hurt.

2 and a half hours it took the police to arrive..... 2 and a half hours.

Not only did they just drive by and scan the area, they did not call me back or knock on my door, to make sure me and my family was alright.

They did not question the people who threw the party, or question anyone for that matter. They just drove by, almost 3 hours late, nonchalantly, like numourous gunshots being fired on a saturday nite, was nothing out of the ordinary.

Luckily, noone was hurt.

We don't know who was shooting, or what they were shooting at.

This was meant to be my home, my quiet sanctuary. My place of peace and safety.

This wasn't a bad neighbourhood. This is an upper class neighbourhood.

Somewere you would want to raise your children.

Although i'm not sure about that anymore.

Shame on America, for teaching its youth that its cool to tote guns around. That your more of a man if you have a gun.

Shame on America for not emphasising how sacred the human life is, and how quickly someone can take it away.

Plans for the future: HOMEWARD BOUND, AUSTRALIA THE GREAT, AUSTRALIA THE BEAUTIFUL.

Will be my home once again, one day in the future.

Gone so long.

I've been M.I.A for the last few weeks and its been so long since i last posted a blog entry that i almost forgot my password.

Yes i know.. and i can hear people shamin on me from here. :)

Life has taken a turn somewhat for the new. Raishawn has started pulling himself up on to the furniture, which has resulted in my every move being dictated by what he is doing and what he is getting into. Though only 7 months, Raishawn has taken it upon himself to skip crawling and get straight on to the walking. Not as much fun for me as what it is for him.

Other than that i am pleased to report that it is mine and my lover's first year anniversary tomorrow. Which we are celebrating together, just the two of us. Our neighbours have so kindly offered to look after Raishawn for the night so we can go out for a nice dinner. One year down, many more left together. How time flies.

This would be the first time i have left Raishawn with anyone, and i am more than a little nervous about this. I have been going over in my head everything he needs, asking myself questions like, "Will he cry?" "What if he cries the whole time i'm gone?"

I spose i have to cut the cord sooner or later.

Which brings me to my next bit of news. I have been offered a part time office job at the complex we live in. I will be working as a leasing professional 30 hours of the week at the front building. It just so happens that the couple who moved in upstairs has a little boy who is 18 months old, And his mother, which of whom i have grown close with has offered to take care of Raishawn 2 of the 4 days i will be working, (the other 2 days my husband has off and will be looking after Raishawn.)

I am so happy she has decided to do this for us, as Raishawn has really taking a liking to her and enjoys playing with her son.

After craving an adult outlet for myself in the means of a small part time job, it seems i have found myself one.

And it couldn't be a better gift from god, the way it has all worked out. Not only will my son stay in the same area as what we live in, but i myself will be in the same area working. That means no driving, no waking up extra early to get him off to daycare and no expensive gas.

I do find myself feeling mournful and sentimental though, about these last few workless days with my son.

Its hard to think, how time has come and gone so quick, once he was only new into the world, now he seems to be growing up so quick.

So i say so long to the days of just me and him, everyday, at home, playing. Now it will only be like that 3 days out of the week. An adjustment for the both of us, but an adjustment long overdue.

I'm happy, fulfilled, blessed and appreciative of the blessing's my life has given to me.

Time to start a new chapter... Nervous, excited, hopeful.

George W Bush

I wonder how it feels to be the most hated man in the world.

I wonder if he looks in the mirror and holds shame for the image staring back at him.

I wonder if he feels remorse or sadness for the people who have lost there lives in his war.

I wonder if he knows his name is the new meaning for hate and greed.

I wonder how many times he has asked himself, "Am i doing this for my country or for the benefit of myself?"

I wonder if when he answered that question, he felt guilt.

I wonder if when he thinks about his last 8 years as president, he smiles or frowns at this countries outcome.

I wonder if he knows he is to blame for the war, recession and hard times bought upon the United States of America.

I wonder if he feels his actions have been well enough justified by ending his speeches with "God bless America."

I wonder if the man behind those walls of the white house sleeps sound at night while people are homeless and hungry.

Most of all i wonder if when George Bush walks away from the white house on November 4th, if he will be just as happy to finish his presidency as the rest of the country will.

Tossing and Turning.

Every known and again, i get a little bit restless.

A little bit lonely, a little bit sad.

A little bit depressed and a little bit homesick.

Call it cabin fever if you will, or call it the lack of adult interaction during my days, but sometimes i feel like the person staring back at me in my reflection, is someone of little resemblance to myself.

Thinking back to this time 2 years ago, i had different goals, a different outlook on my life.

If i had magically stumbled upon a glass ball that could tell me my future. I wouldn't have believed it, if it said i would be where i am today.

Don't twist up my words now. I in no way am complaining about my life, or what i have in this life.

I'm only reflecting on the person i used to be, the person who i sometimes feel got lost along the way.

Sure my thoughts haven't changed, my outer shell hasn't changed that much.

But when you have a child and a family, you seem to forget yourself, your goals, your ambitions and focus on others.

Cooking dinner, cleaning the house, changing diapers and making bottles.

Its these things that take over your life and erase little pieces of you.

Maybe not forever, but for the time that is now. You are a mum, a wife, your the glue that holds it all together.

Sometimes, you forget that you are a young woman, 22 and full of life.

Sometimes you forget that you need YOUR time, time alone, time to reflect on the things YOU want to accomplish in YOUR life. Things that have nothing to do with vacuuming and potty training.

Every so often i have to stop. Close my eyes and take a deep breath. Slow down this rollercoaster of motherhood and take a look around at the world and the person living this world, that is me.

Its so easy to get swept away in just living, without actually living your life.

Its easy to stop and appreciate yourself for who you are, for the things you are doing.

Its easy to push down that itching restlessness that is growing inside of you like a rising volcano and allow yourself to feel grateful for the cards in which have been dealt to you.

So next time, when i get a little bit restless, a little bit lonely.

A little bit sad, a little bit depressed.

A little bit scared and a little bit homesick.

I'll look back at my reflection and take the time to find the person i am, and this time not forget her along the way.

Opposite living.

When i first arrived in America, i nonchalantly got on the escalator to go and pick up my bags on the second floor of the New York airport.

I politely stood to the side. The stationary side of the escalator to let the people who were in a hurry pass me by.

After numorous dirty looks and obsceneties had been thrown my way, i wondered what it was about these people that made them so rude..

After a few minutes of enduring the rudeness that spewed out of almost every person that passed me by, a little old lady tapped me on my shoulder and said,

"Excuse me dear but if your not going to move up the escalator, you need to stand on the side that is for stationary people."

That is when i realised i was on the wrong side, the side you would stand on if you were in Australia.

"I've definately arrived in America," I thought to myself.

You would think that after all these years, i would have gotten used to the fact that everything is on the opposite sides. Sure the road i am used to, as without being used to such a thing i'm sure i would either be in hospital or in jail, one of the two.

People make jokes about an old simpsons episode in which Bart calls to the "Great down under" and asks if their water goes down the drain the opposite way.

I'll tell you that this is true.

The water swirls down the drain in an opposite cycle as to what it did in Australia, the door you once knew that needed to be pushed as you entered a building, now will only gain you entry if you pull it.

The entry way into a store is that of the opposite side in Australia. You would think i had a few problems when i first arrived here in America, a few would be understated, i would call it many.

I constantly bumped into people who were leaving a store as i was entering. I walked casually up to a door to push and gain entrance to almost be thrown back by its not opening.

I drove down wrong way lanes, and had to carefully avoid oncoming traffic. I would use my indicators and it would result in my windshield wipers coming on.

I even would attempt at washing my hands with cold tap water only for it to come out blazing hot.

The little things that you wouldn't think would ultimately change your life if they were to change, actually have a drastic impact.

Ok, so i've gotten over the initial changes and to go back to the way it was before would probably screw me over entirely.

But every nown and again i find myself walking past a light switch and flicking it down to give me light, its then i realise that i have to flick it up to turn it on and down to turn it off.

Ahh the habits one must break.

D.W.B. Driving Whilst Black.

Race is an issue i touch on almost every post, but how can one ignore such a vast difference between black and white in a country like this one.

The difference between black and white is obviously jail time, the sentencing one recieves, how lenient the judge is of you and what prison you will go to.

After watching the BIO.TV channel, that is a hosted station from AandE tv. I noticed the vast difference between the sentencing among white and black.

The show i watched was a new show that has just aired called "I ran" which entails young peole who have been involved in a police pursuit in car and by foot.

What i really noticed was how similar each person's case was but how different the black man's sentencing was.

The show interviewed 4 young adults.

The first of which was a white female high on meth, she led the police on a 50 mile chase by freeway, hit 3 cars, which was reported in police terms as 3 hit and runs. Got up to speeds of 150 miles per hour, And before the chase began was attempting to sell stolen chanel and prada shoes back to the store for cash, after she had broken into a car and stolen them out of it.

Not only did she run from the police, break into a car, have 3 hit and runs, she was also high on meth and had meth on her.

Her sentence: 3months prison time, 2 years probation.

The second was a white male, who led police on a 13.5 mile pursuit, and got away 3 times. He also was highly intoxicated and had 2 previous DUI's.

During his chase, he went thru stop signs, red lights and ultimately totalled his car. He got away on foot and the police thought they had lost him until they later found him asleep on the road and made their arrest.

His sentence: 3months prison time, 2 years probation and the loss of his licence for 5 years.

The third was a white female, who led police on a 30 mile car chase, getting up to speeds of 115 miles an hour, she had broken into a gas station and stolen beer and cigarettes, was high on cocaine and under the influence.

The pursuit had a police helicopter following them also.

Not only had she ran from police, she had broken and entered, stolen, and also had drugs on her.

Her sentence: 6months prison time,though was released after 3 months and 5 years probation.

The last was a black male, who led police on a 14 mile car chase by freeway, which resulted in him totalling his car and running by foot. He reached speeds of up to 100 miles an hour and had small amounts of marijuana on him, though he was not high himself.

With the small amount of drugs that was found on him, the police charged him with, possesion with the means to distribute. C'mon, SERIOUS??

Although the amount that was found was that of what is called on the streets as a "dime" bag. Enough to distribute to 2 other people if they were to smoke a cone each.

His sentence: 15 years prison time. He is still serving his sentence.

Now look at that picture and tell me that, thats not racial prejudice?

Why the others who had worse rap sheets than the black man, only got a few months. Whilst the brother gets years.

The law system is backwards, and so was the judge for judging someones sentence obviously by the color of their skin.

You can watch this show at http://www.biography.com/

It is under the tv section, Why i ran. The episode is Episode 6

Tell me what you think..

To be accepted, or to not be accepted. That is the question?

Today i have a headache, and it was probably caused by the fact that my son was up all night due to his newfound teeth, making there presence be known.

I decided it was better to stare at a computer screen and allow my over worked mind to spew words of thought than to dwell on the fact that i probably should take some tylenol.

I got thinking about the colour issue. The cliche of it all.

How when i am first introduced to someone as "His wife" they all seem to need some time to swallow the fact that "Yes, i am white."

I find that whenever i am meeting someone ,who for the first time are also meeting me, i suddenly feel inadequate, out of place, different.

It has been hard for me to fit in with groups of females who are the same colour as my husband. As there eyes let me know they are wondering why they should give me the time of day.

This is understandable, being that we still live in a very racist country.

But i have never nor will i ever judge someone by the colour of there skin and allow that to impact the kind of relationship we will have.

Maybe it was because i was raised better than that, to not look at colour, but too look at the person inside.

As early as i can remember i was drawn to black people, maybe this is because i was partly raised by my Nigerian pom godfather, and had a harmless crush on his son.

Or the fact that all my boyfriends but one have been black and i have always related more to African American fiction, television and movies.

So if i am an non judgemental, then why am i constantly judged?

People see me as a stereotypical case of "A white woman meddling in a black woman's territory" But stereotypes are just that. Ways for society to feel comfortable with things that are looked on as taboo.

The cliche of it all amuses me, that so much racism has been bought forth it has now been thrown back to the ones who have long since been giving it.

Either way, there is still an inkling anxiety bubbling around inside me whenever i meet someone, mainly being females of the other race. My mind is always a prisoner to the wonders of what i like to call "The colour cliche"
Will the colour of my skin ultimately impact how accepting of me they are?

I find i have to work harder to be accepted than i ever have before.
Just to prove to them that i am not the judgemental, stereotypical "White woman" they think i am.

I almost feel as if i am contradicting myself by focusing on one's colour now, but as any other person in an interaccial relationship will tell you, this sad realisation of feeling like an outsider to your other halves race is still hovering over us, even when we are long since past looking at the colour of the others skin.

I will forever stay true to the person i am, how i was raised and what beliefs i stand strongly bound with.

Just because i find it a challenge to be accepted by another won't deter me from feeling comfort in my own skin, a skin that is that of a european, The skin of a white woman, if you must.

And if by being white allows others to erase me off their imaginary list of friends, then so be it.

The only true person anyone wants to befriend anyway is someone who will accept you for who you are, and not by the colour of the skin that coccoons you is.

*I am not referring to everyone i have met from a different race, only those who have judged me on the colour of my skin.

The world as you only know it.

I usually try to keep clear of pitying others and thinking of their lives in a way that makes me glad i am where i am and i'm not where they are.
As this is unhealthy, uppity and sometimes can be damn right nasty. I am not at all a nasty person, nor do i think my life is above anyone elses.

But after running into an old highschool friend on the communication super highway we call "facebook" i couldn't help but feel sorry for the person she still was and the life she still thinks is cool to live.

Let me undo my nasty by explaining to you the reasons on which i base these thoughts on.

When i was young i had this friend, a friend who was perfect in every way. Had the perfect body, the perfect set of friends and looked to be living the perfect life, flaunting these things in every way possible.

This person also prided themselves on being a bitch. Making others around them miserable in any way possible.

Back then, it was cool to be the bitchiest, most desired girl in the school. This was cool and hey, we all wanted to be popular.

Time passed as did years, and now we are all grown up. Far from the complicated, confused souls we were as teenagers.

Everyone has gone on to do magnificent things with the life that god gave them. Everyone except her.

As i had a wall to wall conversation with this person from my past, I had come to the sad conclusion that time changes all, but not many.

She wrote to me of the same places, the same people, the same life. If it was a novel, i would have closed the book on the foreword.

She wrote out of sarcasim about my accomplishments. My beautiful son, my wonderful, caring, dedicated husband. My place of residence, my experience and myself as a whole.

I suddenly felt sad for her, for the person she was and the lack of growth she had done over the years. To be in the same place since birth and to not see the world, to be with the same dead beat man who shows no respect. To work at the same job as you did in highschool and still the same need to look down your nose at other people.

I felt sad for her. For her existence. As this was her world, her only world. The world as she only knew it.

If your still doing the same things you did in highschool and you still think this is cool, you need to break free.

I wondered why people choose to stay in one place, like a tree who plants its roots and doesn't move until its existence ceases.

I also wondered why she had bothered to contact me if all she was going to do was turn her nose up at my accomplishments?

I think i know the answer...
By putting people down around you, it is much easier to justify your own being.

I harbour no ill feelings. Only hope for her years to come.

Sorry...You said WHAT?

Hello everyone:) After hibernating myself for the last week and getting lost in Eric Jerome Dickey's world of deciept, lies, twists, turns and action. I am back.

Last night started off like any other, me and my husband sat down to watch the evening news, we sound like a pair of oldies, BUT. I like to know what's going on in the area of which i live in.

Now apart from your usual shootings, robberies and car accidents.
The news readers went on to broadcast a story about a lady...

This lady wasn't special, she didn't have a disability and she hadn't been mugged. So what you ask was her story.

The lady had thrown in her drier, and asked her husband to buy her a clothesline and set it up in her back yard..
Now every morning she comes out and hangs her freshly washed clothes on the line.
Lets, and i quote. "The natural sunlight dry her clothes during the day" and then takes them off in the evening.
Her neighbours were interviewed one by one, each stating that she does this everyday and they think its weird..
By this stage i had my mouth wide open like i had just seen something horrific. The truth was, this was horrific. A horrific story about something so silly, i just couldn't believe my eyes.
Really, they must have been short for stories to put this one on the air.
But what i found most amusing is that something so normal like having a clothesline in Australia. Is actually regarded as out of the ordinairy here in America.
Seriously everyone in Australia has a clothesline, or knows someone who has. Driving by residential areas its a normal thing to see peoples clothes flapping in the breeze.
As a kid it was my chore to hang the clothes out and bring them in. And i distinctively remember getting into trouble for swinging on the clothesline. One of those old school brass, iron, round ones that would spin around.
I thought it was ridiculous that such a story would be aired, but here in America it is a story, something out of the blue, something people would find interesting. The lady had saved $100 on her energy bill and was proud by this. Maybe she will start a clothesline trend, and then maybe the news crew will go back in a few months and report how one ladies idea, had an impact so huge, it started a clothesline trend. I wouldn't be surprised.
Its funny how diffenet countries can be in the way in which they live. When i first arrived in America the clothesline was the first thing i missed.

Here are a few other things i have noticed they do not have in America..

Firstly- Where is the good old blue tack. That awesome sticky stuff that you put on the walls and stick posters too.

Secondly- crumpets. Those delicious, toasty breakfast muffins that have holes all over them and the butter melts thru..Yum.

Thirdly- vegemite..Obviously cos noone other than aussies like the stuff.

Fourthly- An electric kettle..So much better than the ones you stick on the stove and let boil.

Fifthly- Good old fashioned licorice..No not twizzlers...The molassey, black ,chewy melt in your mouth shit.

Sixthly- Fresh juiced juice..When i first ordered out here, i asked for apple juice. To my dismay i recieved a juice box. Ok what the heck?

Seventhly- Where are the newsagents???? A shop dedicated to newspapers, magazines.etc

Eighthly- Clotheslines.. need i say more.

Some people have also added to my list:
-A real bakery, the one thats sells sausage rolls, meat pies and an assortment of breads.
-A cinnamon donut stand, freshly casting off hot, buttery donuts.
-Cheese, the kind thats not orange.

Thankyou to everyone for their contribution:)

Words left behind.

Ergh, so here i am, once again on the blogging bandwagon, but with nothing to say. I think i have stumbled upon what most refer to as "writers block."

Never thought i would actually be the one to be consumed by this, as i never not have nothing to say. I ladies and gentlemen have the slight tendency to always have something to say, i dunno call it genes.

My mother is the same and i'm guessing i got it from her.

I woke up today thinking about the economy and Americas part in it. I'm no CNN guru but if i could put it bluntly i would say that America has declared bankruptcy, in its own political way.

On another note, things that i see and find upsetting really affect me, more so since i have become a mother. I don't know, call me sensitive but maybe its due to all these extra hormones i have floating around in my body due to the fact that i'm breastfeeding and will so for a few more months.

I watched Lisa "left eye" Lopes last days, on television this morning. It is a documentary of her last days on earth, unedited and left behind after she had passed.

It not only describes the person she was and the beliefs she was following but it also pain stakinly shows her last few seconds alive.

Lisa Lopes died in a car accident on April 25th 2002 only 8 months to the day after Aaliyah R.I.P. In the end of the documentary you do see the car accident from the filmers seat as he and 7 others were in the wreck also.

It disturbed and upset me. It left me thinking about her and her last seconds alive all day, don't ask me why. I get very affected by such things.

What a wonderful, talented human being. R.I.P. Left eye.

On a more pleasant note, i am so thrilled as i have in my hands Eric Jerome Dickey's latest novel; Pleasure.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with his work, he is an African American writer who has nothing but talent and charisma. He "IS" my favorite author and thats all there is to it.

After waiting in a long line of his fans thru a virtual library site, i finally got my turn to borrow this book.

NO.. i do not buy books when i can just as easily borrow them.

So don't expect to hear from me for a few days as i will be deeply lost in his world of lies, deceipt and passion.

AHHH (long sigh) I can't wait.

Well it turns out i did have something to say, i knew i wasn't the silent type. :)

www.ericjeromedickey.com

In an updatily fashion.

Seems like i've fallen off of the "blogging bicycle" as of late, truth is when i started this blog i wanted to make it as impersonal as i could. I wouldn't write about myself , the person. I would write about the thoughts that dwell within and my life in a nut shell.

This one however is completely about me, the person. So a lifely update seemed only right.

I have been trying extra hard lately to occupy my mind with as many things as possible. Like having a 6 month old crawling infant who's little hands have just realised its far more fun to get into things that either consist of glass or electrical cords. Isn't enough, yes its been a hell of a ride!

I try and make everyday new, i can not fathom a day like every other as predictability bores me. I can only try and make everyday as interesting as the last, so this i have been doing.

After being an au pair for 2 years, i ofcourse have had many unusual and exciting experiences.

I have told my story to a few people and it always results in them telling me to write a book.

"Write a book and get it published" they say.

And up until a few months ago, i did nothing of the sort.

When i started to think about the life i lived for those 2 years and the experiences i made, i realised not everyone has those stories to share, and so with a bit of research. I have started to write my book.

Its going to be a work in progress for the next year or so, as i am a perfectionist and will not put it out there until i am sure it is perfect.

Its titled "Memoirs of an au pair" and will describe my life as an au pair behind closed doors.

It will also entail the not so ordinairy things i used to get up to when "off duty" some i'm proud of and some i just thank the good lord he got me through it.

The book, will basically be a tell all.

Every year thousands of girls from all over the world come to America to be au pairs, the experience is definately what you make of it. Nothing turns out to be how you thought it would be.

I ofcourse chose my time as an au pair to be the time when i also went a little wild.

The family i once worked for have tight bindings with a publisher friend in new York City, who after he heard my story, was enthused by the fact that i was going to write a book. He told me to contact him when its done and we could start the publishing process.

I'm excited but its going to be a long haul.

My insomniac nights tho now serve me well and i find that its the best time for me to write, there seems to be something about darkness that brings vivid thoughts to my head.

On another note, i have just recently sent Raishawn's Pictures off to a baby model management company, after a scout had noticed him in the supermarket and referred us to her agency.

I was never one to exploit my child, i have always stood firmly against allowing your child to make money for you. But i have since opened a bank account for my son in the hopes we can soon fill it with money for his college tuition.

I am a tad bit ahead of myself. I know! But its never too early to plan for the future.

If we get booked and he likes it, OK. If at anytime i feel he isn't enjoying himself, were out!

So thats me signing off. Ciao, Au revoir, Good bye, Peace and whatever else people use to sign off these days.

You know you're an aussie kid who grew up in the 90's if;

This next segment is dedicated to the 90’s, those innocent days of playing under the sprinkler in your cossies on a hot summer arvo with the neighbourhood kids.

I loved my childhood. I loved everything about it, so for those of you who were lucky enough to grow up in Australia at this time, hopefully I bring back some fond memories.

-Scrunchies, I had them in every colour, to match my neon outfits of course.
-Those infamous slap it bands, and them being banned from show and tell.
-Agro’s cartoon connection. Need I say more.
-Waking up early in the morning on Saturday to watch cartoon Disney.
-You played the game match( mansion attic tent church house) at lunch time in primary school.
-You had a huge collection of my little ponies and a care bears lunch box that looked like a mini briefcase.
-Swapping those nappy haired Troll dolls and bragging about your cabbage patch kids
-Jelly shoes and being excited when they introduced the “new” glitter jellies.
-Alf the funny little brown alien from melmac
-Mr matey bubblebath and wanting to collect the different bottle tops shaped like a sailor hat.
-Singing the decore song while washing your hair with… you guessed it.. decore
- Deciding on who would be “it” by Paper rock scissors or eenie meenie myni mo
-Clapping hand games such as “down down baby down by the rollercoaster” or “Chinese checkers cheese on toast, wally wally whiskers “ while waiting to be let into the classroom after lunch break.
-Getting 20c rings from a vendor and pretending you were Captain planet.
-Ms Dos on the computer and playing super nintendo.
-Tape players were the shit and walkmans were even cooler.
- Gak and making farting noises with it.
-The old Australian paper currency before it went plastic.
-Burgerman and jupiterbars, were sold in tuckshops for 50 cents.

-Sunny boys, those triangular frozen ice blocks.
-Drinking frozen breakas on a hot day.
-Watching such shows after school like;
-Amazing
-Funny bones
-Round the twist
-The ferals
-Ship to Shore
-Lift off
-Johnson and friends
-Mr squiggle, man from the moon
-Gumby
-Bangers and mash
-Raggy dolls
-Bananaman
-Blinky bill
-Superted
-Behind the trap door
-Philbert the frog
-Fireman sam
-Postman pat

-Mulligrubs. Mulligrubs me, mulligrubs you, you can be a mulligrub too.
-Complaining when your parents would watch Burkes Backyard or A Country Practice.
-Black dunlops were for boys and white ones were for girls.
-Singing the songs of some ads like;
*PK has that freshness burst that refreshens your breath, PK.

*Slip Slop Slap,slip on a shirt slop on sunscreen and slap on a hat.

(then being totally amped to get a free slip slop slap bag when they came to your school.)

*The lotto ads with the Big Red Ball bouncing everywhere.

-That elastic game; England, Ireland, Scotland Wales, inside, outside, inside, out.

-Jump rope for heart day and going around knocking on neighbours doors for donations.

-The MS readathon
-Having sprinkler days in kindergarten and being excited to bring your newest pair of togs.
- That infamous song "wash your face with orange juice.......clean your teeth with bubble gum"
-Getting excited and saving your allowance for when book club came around at the library, and you could buy all those cool things that werent even related to books?

-Putting your order into the tuckshop box on a brown bag with the money inside, and then someone would go and collect the whole classes box just before little lunch and big lunch?

-Going around to a mates place to play commander keen on an old DOS computer. AAhh commander keen was the shit.

Thank you for everyone who helped me compile this list, your help is greatly appreciated.

Doesn't seem like such a long time ago that instead of text msging we actually got on our bikes and rode to our friends house, instead of playing Xbox we actually played outside, willingly, and enjoyed ourselves.

The good old days.

Were we could be children, without fear of ever having to fight off a child predator, or be abducted by a child molester.

We were free and surrounded by innocence..

Seems like its was a long time ago afterall.

They say pictures are worth a thousand words.

This next story, basically explains itself… Never lose sight of your priorities…

While I was taking a casual stroll around the neighbourhood I live in a few weeks ago, I came across a car with rims on it the size of boulders..
I immediately thought to myself,

“Who would want to do that to such a nice looking car?”
“Hell, who would want to do that to a car period.”

The rims on this thing are so big that the wheels no longer fit into the wheel allotments.

Yes laugh, I have no idea about the specific car terms but you know what I’m talking about and if I have lost you, refer to the picture of this abomination.

Now understandably this car belongs to…you guessed it a male.
But the thing I find most mind boggling is not the car itself...rims and all... it’s the fact that this man has un-doubtably spent a few salaries on some “jewellery” for his car.

“A good set of rims (22’s and up) can start out at $5000 a pair” as stated by Rims and Things, yellow pages.

So I did the math: There are 4 wheels on a car, so that’s 2 pairs…. $5000 a pair…= WHAT $10000.

$10000 to make your car look like what, exactly?? Like an alien, an alien on roller-skates...

And you’re gonna pull up to an apartment complex??

Don’t get me wrong, the apartment complex is nice, but if you’re willing to spend $10000 on some rims you would think you would have the money to be living in a house, or at least have invested your money firstly in that of purchasing a house…

Can you say priorities?

The first time I saw this car, I was hoping maybe it was just somebody here to visit a friend, but nope…. Weeks later, it’s still parked, still here, still ugly and still ghetto fabulous.

I wondered why men felt the need to do this to their cars; well I came up with 2 things.

1- There overcompensating for something, making up in the big department in other places.. (sorry fellas)
2- With all the pressure now that the media..(Yes it’s the media again.) has put on these young men to be fly and flashy like Jay Z, Kanye West and any other rich, fly and famous baller out there.
They think that they need to be all “blinged up” for a woman to look there way, that or they want us to think they have got it like that.

The truth is, you don’t have the kind of money to waste on a set of rims, if your pulling into an apartment complex, I don’t care how nice the apartment is, this aint a sky rise, we aint downtown and this aint Hollywood.

It’s hard to keep up in America with all the hype circulating around “money” and “whose got what”

It’s just plain hard to keep up.

So maybe just maybe this is a small time man’s way of at least trying to keep up, trying to stay in the game, whether he pulls into an apartment complex or a garden shed, at least when he cruises the strip on a Friday night he can pretend he’s the baller he so badly wants to be.

*This is my own account for why men do this, it in no way describes the person who actually owns the car, they only serve as subject matter for my writing this, and in no way are related to the story i tell.*

Just maybe praise your haters.

Hater: noun,
—Synonyms 1. loathe, execrate; despise. Hate, abhor, detest, abominate imply feeling intense dislike or aversion toward something. Hate, the simple and general word, suggests passionate dislike and a feeling of enmity..

As i was scrolling thru, reading one of my favourite artists my space page: T.I. (yes females, i am one of a trillion fans lol)

I noticed he had recently added some beautiful pictures of his babies mother, Tiny, who back in the day was a member of the all girl Rn'B group "Exscape".

Underneath this lovely picture were heinous comments written by a handful of T.I's females fans, now it is none of my business how other females feel about T.I's choice in women, nor i feel is it any of theirs.

Were did this girl on girl hatred come from? We as women should be praising one another for getting our grind on, following our dreams and staying true to the people we care about the most, But it doesn't seem like it in this day and age.

Instead we have to deal with the sourness that emanates from fellow females when we ourselves have something or have done something to be proud of.

Apart from already having so much negativity brought forth onto females by the media, which never fails to let us know how we should look, what diet we should be on and how to get rid of that "ergh" fat under your bra. (which is totally normal, seriously i like to think mine keeps me warm in the wintery months lol)

Now we have to deal with negativity being brought forth by fellow females.

You would think because of the media's translation of "A perfect woman" we would all stand together, praise each other and offer support instead of criticism.

Nope... because now it seems to be ok to HATE on another woman for what she is accomplishing with her life.

There has even been songs/ t-shirts with the word "Hi Hater" as subject matter.

Katt Williams: comic/actor and now diplomats member stated a now memorable phrase, a phrase in which i never fail to smile about when i'm walking down the street hand in hand with my husband, him proudly black and me proudly white.

After i'm thrown a sour look from a female or over heard yet another unnecessary comment made towards me.

"If there's anyone out there who has noone to hate on, feel free to hate on me. Say i'm not the shit bitch, when you know I is!"

Whilst finding it difficult to understand why it is now considered ok to hate on someone and sometimes even cool, as i know of those young girls who are in highschool, popular, pretty and might i add, bitchy.

Pride themselves on being "Haters"

I can't think of any better of an answer than good old jealousy, that green eyed monster which occasionally eats away at all of us sometimes, has reared its ugly head in the now dominant female world.

I also like to think that this female to female "hatred" keeps us pushing on, keeps us grounded, only makes us better, makes us want to try harder.

So the next time your walking down the street, minding your own business and you get hated on, smile to yourself and be grateful for your haters because secretly they are our biggest fans, the ones that make us as strong and determined as we are today.

What is the right answer?

As i was taking my son, (who i might add is almost 6 months old now, my how they grow.)

For a walk around the neighbourhood we live in, i was approached by the usual group of younger neighbourhood girls, who have taken quite a liking to my son.

They are always giggling and smiling at him, trying to get back something of the same response, wanting to hold him and asking the usual questions of :How old is he now? and can we play with him?

This has become somewhat of the norm while we take our afternoon walks, and Raishawn seems to like the attention, giving the girls his cutest gummy grin and trying to play with the beads in there braids.

It was when a question came up that i had not yet been asked and i doubt that it would be the last time i was asked it either.

The youngest girl, who was around the age of 5 asked me, "If i am his mummy" when i replied "Yes"

She then looked confused and exclaimed "Then why does he look the same as us and not the same as you"

She was reffering to the colour of our skin.

I wanted to answer this question right but was stumped on just how to do it, i mean sure i could state the obvious of what she already knew, "his daddy is black and i am white"

But it goes far deeper than that.

I didn't know how to explain it to her the right way, a way in which i didn't emphasise on black or white.

I wanted to tell her that it doesn't matter what colour you are.

But in a country were colour decides what friends you will have, were you will sit at lunchtime and ultimately what pay grade you will recieve*.

*(This is not my opinion, but that of a survey done on black men in America by the U.S dept of employment)

How could i tell her that.

I ended up explaining to her that Raishawn's daddy is Jamaican, which means the colour of his skin is black, and i am from Australia and the colour of my skin is white, So thats why Raishawn is lighter than his daddy but a lot darker than me, I told her that Raishawn is Bi-racial which means he is black AND white.

I also added that when people love each other the colour of there skin doesn't matter.

Now what she is told at home according to colour is none of my business but i hoped somewere down the line i wouldn't be approached by an angry mother wanting to know why a "white woman" was talking to her daughter about colour.

As i walked home i couldn't help but think that this was only the start of such questions, as i know when my son gets old enough and starts to recognise race etc, he or his friends will ask the same question.

I will teach my son the cultures of both of his races, so he will have knowledge and a good sense of who he is and where he came from.

I also want to instill into my son that he doesn't have to choose between Black OR white, he is black AND white. We may have different coloured skin but we are all the same and should be treated equally.

I can only hope that one day here in America this will be the case, that they will no longer ask you on government forms: Black OR white.

That when you fill out a birth Certificate for your bi-racial child you will no longer have to choose between 2 races: black OR white.

It will just be Black AND white. Equal.

We really have come so far from the era of one side for white and an opposite side for coloured, But we also have such a long way to go. More and more couples are dating and marrying out of there race and thus meaning there are more and more bi-racial babies being born.

I believe that since this is the case the old version of government forms etc should be changed and the choices on these forms should resemble that of its nation.

"A change we can believe in!"

Last night was the Democratic National Convention which was held in Denver..

It is were all Democrats get together and officially announce there presidential candidate, this of course was Senator Barack Obama.

I am so happy to see him running for presidency, as i believe after such a horrible 8 years that this country has seen due to the lack of good judgement made by President George Bush, he is the one who can change this country for the greater.

That is just my opinion, but that shared of many other Americans.

Bill Clinton gave a moving speech, with what other Democrats are now calling it "History making"

It was certainly a history making night.

For the first time in this countries history a black man is officially running for presidency.

Bill Clinton supported Barack Obama's motto of "A Change we can believe in" by stating the following:

"Yes we can, Yes he can, that is if you elect him president"

"I want every person who was going to vote for Hillary, to vote now for Barack"

"I believe Barack has what it takes to turn this country around"

As Bill Clinton continued with his speech, Barack Obama's wife and greatest fan, stood proud.

"This country has come so far, but yet has so far to go. I feel with Barack Obama as president he does have what it takes to turn this country around. Not just because he is a black man, who was raised in a predominantly white neighbourhood and not because he has worked in the poor, crime ridden streets of Chicago, but because he see's everyone as equal.

Rich, poor, black, white, young and old."

"He see's the changes that need to be made in order to turn this country around after being led down the wrong path for 8 years."

Now even with all 0f these wonderful beliefs behind him and most of America's politician's backing him up.

It amazes me that even after this countries last 8 years, people want to vote in someone like John Mccain, who has the same beliefs as George Bush.

I can only pray that at the end of the day we don't end up taking the same path as we have been led down for the last 8 years.

The world thru a looking glass

Only in the friendly city of New York right..

Some people would call this a shitty advertisement.. (Sorry had to do it..)

WELL...... it was worth a try.

I thought pigeons only ate crumbs??

Baby.... the new white meat.

Reminds me of a certain brother i have, with a certain blow up alien many years ago.

Its strange what you come across while looking at the world thru a looking glass.

The great vaccine debate

Last nite i lay awake with anxiety for what is to come on friday... My son who is far from up to date with his childhood vaccinations has a doctors appointment for yes... shots.

Now i'm not "for" or "against" vaccines, however i do believe that in america children recieve far too many shots at a young age and they recieve a shot for every disease, illness, ailment you can think of.

For instance, when a child in australia is that only of a month old they are expected to recieve the shot against meningitis, commonly known as the hib vaccine.

In america your child will have only seen the world for that of a short second before they jab them with there first of what i counted, 26 shots before they reach the age of 1 year old.

Crazy??? paranoid???

Well not only are you as a parent expected to jab your child every 2 months with more than 6 shots at a time.

Your also expected to comply with it. Now as a mother i believe that as your childs voice and greatest advocate, you have the right to dictate when and how many shots your child gets.

To vaccinate your child is a decision, that not all parents decide on doing. After all if every other child is vaccinated, then they are safe from any disease and its your child, that if a disease should come around would be in danger of contracting.

And you would think that schools, other parents, would know this, BUT.... they are just as scared as the government. Stating " get that non vaccinated child away from my child, i don't want them to give my child measles" BUT

"I thought your child was vaccinated, so shouldn't that mean you have nothing to worry about?"

I have asked myself many times, why there is so much stigma on a vaccine must for all children in the states and why they enforce an almost communist approach to vaccinations.

I have come up with an answer, the cdc, centres for disease control, issued a statement after a ANOTHER infant was reported dead in his bed with no explanation other than they all had a few days ago recieved as many as 6 shots at one time.

"We cannot be held responsible for any deaths related to and linked with the vaccines"

What??? But i thought you said they were safe?

What are we injecting our children with? And why so many shots at one time?

Well, its is rumoured to be, that its much easier for the insurance companies providing the shots to do all the paperwork at once when it comes to vaccines, so therefore why not just get as many shots as you can in one visit.

The easy road for them.

And don't think that if you decide to not vaccinate your child you'll be on the easy road... Ohhhh no, your far from the easy road, doctors will reject seeing your child, schools will deny them entry, even emergency room techs will have a reluctance to see your child..

Even when they are all grown up, and are ready to take on job opportunities, any government job asks for a vaccine history and believe in me, if not up to date. NO JOB.

So thats why the anxiety over a routine visit to the doctor, gets me all worked up.

With the pressure to comply and my childs best interests at heart, its hard to decide on which road i will travel.

makeup bargains.

I am a makeup addict... I love makeup, what it does and how it looks.
Your face is a blank canvas and makeup is the art work that can turn the canvas into anything it wants to be.
I am always hunting for bargains with makeup as i HATE spending a lot of money on makeup but keeping in mind, i do like brand name makeup and i don't buy trashy hella cheap makeup as it has no pigment and comes off easily.. not worth even the few dollars you will spend.
Lately i have been searching around for a 120 colour eyeshadow palette on the net, now i watch youtube frequently and a girl on there does awesome tutorials on achieving wonderful looks with your eyeshadow, if you ever want to check it out its fafinettex3, i'm sure she also has a blogspot too..
she had a palette and immediately i loved the colours and pigment the eyeshadows had so i went on ebay to buy one... but to my dissapointment they only have prices in gbd which is great britain and australian $ now i'm no ebay guru but when i purchase online i like to see how much i'm paying and it needs to be in us$ .. so i gave up.. after researching on the internet tho i came across 2 awesome websites that not only sell the palettes but also sell other makeup supplies for cheap.
you can find the websites on my links at the bottom of my page, coastalscents and something cherry..(sorry don't remember the actual address) but there down there and they stock a whole arrangement of different and wonderful cheap makeup, eyeshadows, makeup brushes, palettes, tools.
There is also a website called E.L.F eyes lips face.. they sell all there makeup for 1$ and it is said that they used to stock there products in nordstroms or nordstroms had bought them out and know owned e.l.f BUT..... this is not true.. altho e.l.f. does sell all there makeup for $1 your better off going to an actual store that stocks it like target or big lots.. as there eyeshadow's are all matte and aren't the colours they show you on there website..

Not enough time in the day.

When your a mother to a child, a child of any age, you find that there is not enough time in the day to do everything, now many of you who have children under the age of a year old, know this and know this well. I'll give you a scenario.
Your beautiful baby spends half of the night awake and crying out in pain due to those new little teeth trying to make there way out. You wearily and half zombie like, half auto pilot make your way out of your comfortable bed to fetch the motrin/ gripe water/ teething tablets.. whatever you haven't previously used in an attempt to get at least 3 straight hours of rest.
Just when you drift back off to sleep after getting rid of the insomniac anxiety of "is he going to wake up again" you hear your hubby's alarm clock which lets you know its 6 am and you have only gotten hmm lets see 4 or 5 hours of decent shut eye..
You end up rising at 7.30 am due to the fact that your little man is hungry and has seen the sunshine coming thru the curtains and immediately knows. Its time to wakeup!
You spend the day cleaning, doing the washing and running erands. Nothing out of the usual.
You organise a nice meal for when your hubby returns home from work and count the minutes til he gets home so you can have an hour or so to yourself.
Once the baby has gone to bed, you've eaten, oh and by the way cleaned up the kitchen and picked up for the lets see.... umpteenth time that day, you can finally retire to the bedroom.
NOW what i'm about to say may or may not happen to everyone out there.
i know there are some superwoman/ nimpho's.. no harm said. out there..
But let me tell you, now this happens to me every so often.. not all the time do i not feel like jumping my husbands bones and doing the wild thing. BUT..... when you've had limited sleep, been on your feet all day and can barely find the time to remember to shave your legs..
mothers i know we all have days like this..
the last thing you want to do is have sex/fuck/make love...
Many times i have had the conversation with my adoring husband, "honey i'm just not in the mood" or "not tonite babe"
for myself to feel guilty, and think, "were did my mojo go??"
And why are men always horny, they could fuck thru rain, hail, they can fuck when there tired, have a headache, they get horny when they see panties or smell perfume..
The male and female species is so far from alike it just amazes me.. for instance.. men are at there prime sexual time from the time they learn they can masturbate to around 30.. we as females don't reach our full prime and its been researched.. til we hit about 40.. when the kids have left for college and we finally feel sexy and happy with the way we look.. phat, curvy, tall, short, frumpy all of it..
it makes me wonder.. If the men could switch jobs with us for a week, and not just be a stay at home dad.. but really switched jobs, i'm talkin, cooking, cleaning. heck even remembering to shave your legs.. would they still be as horny as they are??? or would the shoe be on the other foot??
At the end of the day tho, there is just not enough hours in the day for a woman to please everyone..
Now just when you think your finished for the day, and you drift off for what you think is a recuperating sleep... you hear in the distance over the baby moniter, your beautiful baby crying and those bloody teeth again are STILL trying to make there way out.