MY ISLAND HOME!!!

ARGHHHH

I own no words, and words can't do justice to how i feel right now.

I am coming home!

I'm going to Australia, after 4 years. Its hard to believe that i will step foot upon her beautfiul shores again.

I'll swim at Noosa beach, fish on the Noosaville river. Eat at the many fish and chip shops along Gibson rd. Walk hasting st. Wake up to the kookaburras. Smell the aussie air. Drink a VB.

But most of all i will be home. With my family and friends.

It all started after a long conversation with one of my girls who of course is an aussie and is also living in America. We met whilst we were both nannies, in Virginia beach.

I got feeling all too sentimental about aussie life and how much we both wanted to live it once again.

I never really checked the flight prices, as i always knew my wallet wasn't at all going to be able to compensate it.

With a new family and my motherly/wifely duties, the dream of one day going back to Australia was just that; A dream.

It was so random. I stand so strongly by the fact that god has a reason for everything that happens to you. This is one of those things.

Raishawn opened up an advert that must have been a popup. Him and those fingers, getting into everything.

QANTAS.

The red and white emblem stared me in the face and a little voice inside my head told me "Go on look, just for fun"

To my surprise there was a flight sale from Los Angeles to Brisbane.

Now heres the jaw dropping part. $760 return.

$760 return! Thats usually less than what you would pay for one way.

Being that me and Richard are collecting quite a hefty amount of tax in the next 2 weeks, i automatically get excited by the fact that we could actually afford to go to Australia.

After reading the terms and conditions, my eyes read the inevitable.

"Offer only good until january 26th."

Monday. 4 days before we get our tax.

"There goes that idea."

I lay awake the whole night, i couldn't shake the deal. It was too good of a price to pass up, but i was a rock in a bad place. Stuck.

I called my mum, to vent about how mad i was and how unfortunate it was.

My mum's tone got very serious and she said "Your not gonna pass this up are you?" "You can't!"

This next part is why i love my mum, she is not only the best mum in the world but she has always been there for me, regardless of how much of a shit i was to her back in my teenage years.

My mother went straight to the travel agent and booked our flights, payed over $3000 Australian dollars for them and called me back extremely excited.

"Your coming to Australia, you leave on the 21st of September and you depart on the 10th of October."

WHAT!!

She took care of everything.

I was speechless. Now ofcourse as soon as we get our tax, we will be depositing all of that money back into her account. BUT....

If it wasn't for her selfless act of kindness, i wouldn't be sitting here tonite, writing about how over the moon i am that i'm coming home and bringing my family with me.

I LOVE YOU MUM.

Thanks for being the best..

I will be seeing all of you very soon. I can not wait.

Ahhh.. sweet dreams about the sounds of Australia.

FUCK IT!

OVER IT........

Whoa!

OK...

So i've said this before. BUT.. its really happening.

I've wanted and waited to have this done for such a long time that now its all happeneing it feels like a dream. I feel as though i'm floating in a cloud of blur and i could wake up at any moment..

But its not a dream, its really going to happen..

I know this sounds stupid and your all thinking why i would devote so much of my time to thinking about this. BUT.
when you've waited and wanted something for a long time and pushed it to the side for other things.

You can't help but be super excited.

Its really happening. I got my approval for my loan today. Richard will be making the payments..

We get the credit card next week in the mail.

From there we pay the surgeon and WA-LAH.. i play the waiting game.

Which is basically what i'm doing now. I'm terrible. When i really want something, i want it now. I have no patience.. Reminds me of when i was pregnant and waiting for my son to arrive. Couldn't wait. It killed me. I have to occupy my mind with something else.

So thats that. I go in on June the 15th, 9:30 am.
A 45 minute operation. 2 days recovery. 2 weeks of no heavy lifting, which means i can't pick up Raishawn. Richard is taking time off work.

Excited. Scared. Happy. Anxious. Nervous. Overjoyed.

Everything is ready, set. Appointments made, sizes picked.

There will definately be a part 2 of this story in June.
:)

Sorrow: For tomorrows future.

Sometimes i have to stop and think about the things i worry about on a frequent basis and compare them to the worries of our everyday heros.

The ones who are like you and me.

The ones who should be in college or starting a family.

The ones who have given there lives to fight for this country.

In a war that has gone on years too long, taken lives too many and destroyed the hopes that one day we will ever live in peace.

Its easy to forget about something that isn't happening in front of your face, that doesn't have a direct impact on your life.

But it does. It has an impact that i don't think this generation has seen the start of yet.

People as young as 19 are dying in a war that seems pointless.

A war that was started over greed, oil and money.

It only really comes to my attention how bad this war really is, when i see the veterans who have fought in this war.

Young people have either died in the war, comitted suicide from the war or are suffering emotional distress from the war, other wise known as PTSD.

Post traumatic stress disorder.

We are killing todays youth for a better tomorrow. But will we have a better tomorrow?

Almost half of todays youth is fighting in the war or has fought in the war. With over 4000 deaths and counting. When will they stop?

Young people are now struggling in everyday society, having to be medicated and counselled. All because of the things they saw, the things they did.

Not only are we losing our youth to this war, but were losing our dignity.

The government thus far hasn't exactly put in an effort to stop the war. Just like they haven't put forth an effort in helping these veterans who have given there lives in order to fight for this country, whatever that is.

No, they're thrown away like yesterdays rubbish. Expected to cope with their trauma on there own. Either that or get medicated and man up.

What they really need is an outreach, something they can depend on when they are feeling lost, scared. depressed. Anything.

We have to be there for these young soldiers, just like they were there for us.

Instead too many times it ends at the end of a bottle, or the ash of a pipe.

It makes me sad the way this world is run. Everyday wanting more and more, without giving any thought to the long term effects our actions have on our future.

Makes me mad.

Makes me ashamed.

Makes me sad.

I only hope that Raishawn grows up in a world without war, without racism and so many of the things we tend to waste our time on these days.

Time is a virtue

I'm feeling empowered this morning. Empowered by the fact that i am a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it, no matter how dreary the circumstances.

2008 was a life changing year for me to say the least.
It was the year i gove birth to the angel in my life who is my son.

A few years back, i used to look at mothers, the type of mothers who doted over there children, whose lives were that of there children. The type of mothers who would stay up all night with there sick child and not give it another thought.

The type of mother i thought i would never be and ended up being.

Suddenly almost a year has passed since that very day and i'm feeling empowered. Empowered by not only having bought such a life into this world but still managing to keep my dreams and goals a reality.

It was a rocky road to begin with. But a path travelled is a path mastered.
And you could say i have mastered motherhood, being a wife, and still proud of the person i am today.

I have just but a few goals to accomplish in 2009:

1.
I want and will try my hardest at returning to my home; Australia.

They say you don't know what you've got until its gone, and the things you took for granted once before are the things you will appreciate forever more.

That is so true.

Looking back at my last year in Australia, i took everything for granted.
Now almost 4 years to the day since i have stepped foot upon my motherlands beautiful shores.
I miss her more than ever. I miss the simplicity of aussie life, the way the air smells, the friendly people. I miss having my family only but a drive away. I miss the clean white sand underneath my toes. I miss the way Australia feels, from when you wake up to when you lay your head down.
And yes i even miss the beer drinking, belly bulging, pokie playin, yobbo's. I miss everything about my Australia.

Life in America is different. I won't say its worse, but it is different. And its those little differences that make you appreciate things.

I suppose i learnt the hard way that theres no place like home.

2.
To further myself in the working world. Possibly take on a leadership role of some sort. Continue to build myself from the bottom up.
Although i have no idea what i want to be when i grow up, i still want to experience and learn as much as i can.

2009 has come so quick. I remember when i sat on my couch, 14 years of age, counting down the seconds until 2000, the millenium.

How time passes us by.

A stubborn mind, is a set mind.

I had the sudden urge to write this morning. I haven't had an urge to write in months.
Even though the wheels of life have still been turning, it seems the wheels in my head have stopped.
Possibly due to the amount of diminished free time i seem to have these days. It is sad that its almost non exsistent. Well they say a mind kept busy is a mind less torn.

The last few months have been changing to say the least.

We moved apartments, and that was just the start of it. I had 3 days to pack up an entire house, move and unpack. All with a toddler, who's hands ( and i've said it before) are curious.

The move in the long run has been more than wonderful. I wake up to the best view every morning and now have the room to move around comfortably without feeling claustrophobic.

We've grown as a family in the last year so a bigger apartment has been in the works for quite some time now.

My J.O.B. Is going well. Still find it hard to believe that i found the only australian surf store in florida to work in. I work with great ppl, (hey were aussies, so what did you expect?) and enjoy making some much needed moolah.

Which brings me to my next paragraph. Tomorrow is a big day for me.
A life changing day for me.

I am having my breast augmentation consultation.

Judge me if you will, but you didn't breast feed a child for 8 months.

Its a decision that has been long in the making. And once a stubborn mind is set. Its set.

I'm not doing this for anyone but myself, for my own self worth.

My husband is supportive but not exactly keen on the idea. I'm sure he'll change his mind when he sees the finished product.

My operation day is June the 15th. allowing myself the time to save as much as i can before then. The more money saved, the less i have to take out.

Its a pricey surgery but definately worth it. I DO NOT want to take risks when having something like this done. You get what you pay for.

The thing is, i had a nice B cup, small B cup but they were nice all the same.
After giving myself to my son for the previous 8 months, i've lost breast tissue and am not at all impressed with how i am left. It is possible to not ever want to get into a bikini again. Thats how i feel, so i'm doing something about it.

I'm aiming for a High B low C. Something to fit my body shape. I am getting the saline, as they are safer and look more natural.

The last thing i want is to be top heavy, theres nothing worse than a little woman with huge fake tits. NO THANKYOU!

My mind has definately been elsewere, and i'm finding it hard to come up with the right words to express myself in this post, so i'll end it with i hope everyone had a happy new year, a safe and merry christmas, and may this year bring as many blessings as the last.

xx